Life is ever changing, and we are all always changing. We may not feel like we are, but we are. We change our thoughts, our actions, and even our personalities through time. We change what we want through time as well. I was a little girl with the ambition to be famous through anyway possible. I wanted my name to be known, I wanted to set an example to everyone that the world isn’t as bad as it seemed. I wanted to be that good influence. I wanted to smile every day, I wanted to reach out to others and be kind. 

When I was a preteen I just wanted to fit in with my friends in anyway possible. Even if that meant trying not to be weird, trying to be someone else. Someone I wasn’t sure of, unless my friends wanted me to be a certain way.  

When I was a teenager, I wanted nothing more than to feel wanted and loved. I wanted to be understood. I never wanted anything more, I just was so desperate for someone’s attention that I ended up being vulnerable to someone who gave me the wrong attention and led to my downfall until I found someone who did actually love me. It wasn’t too long before that fell apart too.

Before college I managed to find someone to take care of. I wanted to take care of someone, so I could distract myself from my own problems. My panic disorder, my PTSD, my broken heart. I wanted to take all of his problems away, little did I know that he would add onto mine and use my weaknesses against me. Later on I figured out that he could never be helped and he didn’t want me to be helped either. 

So I went away to college. I presented myself with fake confidence, because I didn’t want anyone to know who I was. I did’t want the past to catch up with me. So I did what I wanted whenever I wanted. I was reckless and hated myself for it. I came home often seeing the worried look on my mother’s face, and then I wanted to change and be better for her because she does so much for me. I dropped all my friends and decided to just focus on my schooling. 

I started a job and intended on staying friendless and boyfriend-less, until I met my husband. After that I just wanted to have fun and be happy. 

We got married and all I wanted was to be a good wife and finish school. Soon after, I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I have everything I could ever want. After my 14th birthday, every birthday wish I have ever had was to be happy. When I met my husband he made my heart so happy, but when I met my son, my heart was overflowing and complete. Now all I want to be is a great mom, and an even greater wife. 

I don’t care that I’m not famous. I don’t care if I have a lot of friends or not. All those things that I thought were important, aren’t anymore. Everything that I find important is with me every day. As we mature so do our desires. I am very happy with my life. Sometimes my depression will take me down, but I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for all the blessings that God has given to me. And I will work hard every day to take care of the people that matter the most to me.