I find it interesting how some people are perceived as selfish and heartless. I think of myself sometimes. I am fragile to the emotions and feelings of others. When others are sad, I am sad. I ache to help them and to heal them. Most problems can be solved by money or objects, but what if you don’t have the money to help someone what do you do? What about the other problems? Like Depression, like heartache, like the feeling of loss? Are others selfish because they do not want to help other people? What if they have tried time and time again to help other people, but they have come to a realization that there is simply nothing that they can do? Instead of letting the fact that there is nothing they can do hurt them and make them feel useless; they shut down. They pretend not to care. I observe people all the time. I watch them and see them hurting. I ache to help them. Over time I did whatever I possibly could to make someone feel better or smile even if it was only temporary. There was one time that a coworker of mine came to work in tears. She got into an accident and she needed $400 to avoid being put in jail. She had nowhere to turn. I ached for her, I gave her half the money.  I was a 17 year old saving up for college, but to me, seeing her happy was more important. She paid me back $50 and I never saw her again. Any normal person would feel upset and maybe even mad. But even though I didn’t get all the money back, I wasn’t bothered. My sole purpose for giving her that money was to help her. Other’s had told me she was probably lying and she used that money for other purposes. Who is to say if she was lying or if she was telling the truth? It didn’t bother me. Maybe she was lying, and so what? What if she needed that money for something other, but she was too embarrassed to say? That’s her business. I helped her. I did what I wanted to do. There are millions of people on this planet who are suffering in one way or another. Lots of people don’t reach out or try to help because they are afraid of being made a fool. Society shows some homeless people who aren’t really homeless and are out there scamming people. Okay. Well there are people like that. This world isn’t perfect. People are not perfect. I’m not going to let society turn me away from people in need. If I can help someone, I will. And some people think I’m naive for that. Let them think what they will. I know what it is like to feel hopeless and to feel like I’m stuck on the bottom of the well. I don’t want anyone else feeling that way if I can help it. Another observation I made from talking with people and letting them into my heart is that, I can’t help them with everything. When I was eight years old my dad gave us notebooks to write our goals in. My goal was to end world hunger. He smiled at me and told me to come up with another goal that was reachable. I frowned at him. Why was ending world hunger out of my reach? I used to get so frustrated because he told me that. I never understood. I can’t save everyone, I am one person. I can try my hardest, but I cannot. I remember venting to my school counselor about how useless I felt; that everyone around me was hurting and there was nothing I could do. She told me to envision everyone walking up a mountain carrying a rock. Every person had their own rock to carry. I would see someone struggle and I would carry their rock for them. She told me to envision a lot of people falling or stumbling along unable to carry their rock further. She asked me if I would be able to carry twenty rocks and still be able to climb a tall mountain. I told her, I could not. I think that’s when it became clear to me that I couldn’t save everyone. That sometimes I had to put myself first before I could help anyone else. If a plane were to fall from the sky and there was limited air masks, I would need the mask first. If I needed to save someone, I needed to be physically able to do so. I can’t save everyone and although I know that it is true. It pains me. I hate seeing others cry or look broken. I feel so worthless and useless sometimes. So when I see others who feel that way, it hurts me. But I am not a problem solver. I am no savior, and I am no superhero. I can’t fix broken hearts, broken spirits, and lonely souls. I can’t bring back people from the dead. Or make cruel people stop bullying others. I can’t convince someone’s ex to get back with them or stop parents from divorcing. If I could. I would. If I could make everyone happy and not feel worthless, I would. But I cannot. I have accepted that sometimes there is just absolutely nothing I can do. I remember talking with a friend of mine. She was my best friend, she told me I was always having problems and I was always depressed. She told me she felt like a terrible friend because she couldn’t help me with any of my problems. I remember getting frustrated with her, and I told her that I never expected her or wanted her to fix my problems. I just wanted her to listen. That echoes in my mind sometimes. I always want to fix people or their behaviors. But some people don’t want to be fixed, they don’t want help, they know there is nothing that can help them with the problem that they face. Sometimes the only person you can really save is yourself. Sometimes people just want someone who will listen. When I feel useless and there’s nothing I can do, I feel bad. But then I remember what I said about just wanting someone to listen. I think about it and to have someone to talk to that will listen to you, and offer you support is a beautiful thing. It truly is. Because even though they cannot help you in a way you wish, they are helping you by just being there. To know that there are people out there supporting you and caring about you is a wonderful thing. Regardless if they can’t help you physically or emotionally. You know if you need someone, they will be there to greet you with a hug and cry with you. And sometimes that help outshines anything else. You can still run out of money and you can still feel depressed or broken about different things in life. But the feeling of comfort, of being supported, and loved from other people will ultimately help you in every way possible and that feeling will never go away. And if that is the kind of help I can offer. I am more than okay with that.