I just want to clear something up that has been bothering me for some time. Whenever sexual assault victims come out and share their story with others, they are praised for being stronger because of their trauma. It sends kind of a mixed message. I don’t speak for all the victims, but as you all may know from reading my past blogs, that I was a victim. Sexual assault victims are stronger because of who we are, we are stronger because we took the steps or are taking the steps to become ourselves again. We can never become who we were because we have faced adversity and came out the end of it still breathing and stronger than ever. But when we say that we are stronger because of our trauma it feels like we are thanking our assaulter for causing our trauma and making us stronger. That is not it at all. I would have loved to not gone through the trauma that I have. My assaulter did NOT make me stronger, the trauma that they caused ME did not help me in anyway. They took pieces of me and I had to rebuild those pieces again MYSELF. I am the one who became stronger, not because of my trauma, but because of who I am. I took the time to get better, I had to learn to be patient with myself, to not be afraid, and to love myself again without blaming myself for what happened to me. It took me six years to forgive someone that hurt me, violated me, manipulated me for years, and broke my trust. Sometimes it takes people a lot longer and that is okay! My assaulter took away pieces of me and I had a choice. Sit there and let him have control of me- control of my fear, of my actions, of my anger, of my sense of security- for the rest of my life or to take the steps necessary to begin to heal and rebuild those pieces. My therapist told me that there are three types of people; victims, survivors, and thrivers. I am a thriver. I share my story now, because I want other people like me to know that they are not alone in any way. That it is not their fault and to take ALL the time you need to let out any emotions you have and to heal as long as possible. I have come a long way from where I was, but I do not dwell in that part of the past anymore and it is nice to feel that weight lift off my chest. I can breathe easier knowing that I am strong. I will not be underestimated, and it is because of who I am not in spite of what happened. And I want that for everyone else who feels just like I did, broken, lost, and alone. I want the very best for everyone, you are strong because of who you are, not your trauma.