I could write about him forever. I could go into detail about how he was, how he used to be, what it felt like when he said my name, when he looked at me, when he touched me, when he kissed me…what it was like to be loved and accepted by him. Everything. I hate it. I want it to stop. It’s like a curse, it’s like the song that you hate the most is stuck inside your head and won’t leave. Everything reminds you of their memory. I’ve moved on with someone I love so deeply and I am still constantly reminded of him. I think of him always just like I said that I would. I dream of him. It’s annoying and hauntingly ridiculous. I want to go forward. I have tried and tried to let go of the past but it will not let me escape. Is there something wrong with me? Am I cursed? No. I don’t know what it is. I compare my current relationship with my old one and I’ve realized several things that opened up my eyes. Even though I might always love him. I never knew him so deeply as I do with my current love. I love everything about my boyfriend, I know him and I talk with him openly about everything. I am older and mature now. Back then I was just a lovesick teenager who didn’t think it was necessary to share every thought with my significant other. I didn’t think you were supposed to be best friends with them like you were with your other best friends. I thought that you told everything and every thought and feeling to your friends, but not your boyfriend. I think that if maybe if I had been open I wouldn’t have ended up in a dangerous situation. Him and I wouldn’t have fallen out. Maybe him and I would still be together. I might always love him. I long to see him sometimes; I long to talk to him and sometimes to hear his voice. I long to be the person he is looking at or the person he calls out to. But I am also glad that I am not. I am so grateful that he was in my life, but I am glad that we didn’t work out. Because my boyfriend is the best person to ever have walked into my life and I would never trade that for anything or anyone else. Even if it was my first love..