Today I wanted to cut my wrists. Today my wrists burned so badly and all I wanted to do was take a blade to my wrists ripping a hole into my skin to relieve the tightness I feel…to let my skin breathe. Sometimes I feel like it doesn’t matter what kind of happiness I find because it always seems fleeting. It’s like I can’t escape from the feeling of dread I feel. The feeling of not being accepted or the fear of being myself even when others don’t approve. I feel like I’ll try to open myself up and become vulnerable and it’s just not enough or it’s too much for people so I have to close back up and it is the worse feeling in the world.  Because I just want to accept myself and be myself and stop being afraid…but I’m scared to death. Any time I get a little comfortable, something or someone else’s words set me back and I self sabotage. I self sabotage and feel myself crumble. I feel myself crumble and dissipate into the nothingness of depression. It feels like I’m trapped inside this lonely void..

I know things get better. I know it’s not always like this because I feel genuine happiness and I am lucky enough to have genuine love. But the love I have for myself is lacking and I am suffering because of it. I know I shouldn’t care about what other people think, because they don’t matter. But sometimes these heavy thoughts weigh me down and suffocate me to no end. I need to stay positive and remind myself who I am. I can’t let myself get sucked into that void of darkness because if I do, I don’t know how long it’ll have a hold on me. I don’t know how many moments it’ll steal from me, how much time it’ll rob from me. Every single moment and energy of my time is precious and I can’t let these negative thoughts win. I am enough and I’ll have to keep telling myself until I get it engraved into my mind.